Illidan's Diary: There and Back Again
by Amano Unmei
Summary: Illidan's diary... he confesses to us of his feelings and events in his life. WARNING: contains shonen-ai (boy's love)! DO NOT READ if you're a homophobe!
1. Once Upon a Time

**Category:** Warcraft  
**Type:** Romance/Drama  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warnings:** Contains two homosexual pairs and a suggestion of sex.  
**Disclaimer:** None of the characters is mine, being a property of Blizzard Ent., as well as the world and its timeline. The subtitle has been taken from J.R.R. Tolkien's "Hobbit". Don't sue.  
  
This fic is sort of a diary of Illidan Stormrage, who confesses to us of all his feelings and events of his life, starting from his birth. Kizashi's fic is a good enough warning - DON'T READ, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE TWO MEN TOGETHER. Three chapters planned. Howgh.  
  
Oh, and Cenarius being Elune's son is only my idea and I have no prooves for it.  
  


* * *

  
    It was so long ago... Now hardly anyone remembers those times, even among the night elves. You humans would surely call it something like "the beginning of time" or such things. Actually, the life here in Azeroth begun much earlier, long before we night elves were born, along with the appearance of the dragons. In any case, we were the first after them, if we skip the few other species around.  
  
    We were feral. The language we used wasn't much different than wolf growls, sometimes even barks. It was simple, and to anyone else it was just a bunch of meaningless sounds. Oh, don't ask me to speak it, I can't! I can't understand how on Azeroth were we able to communicate with _that_. We had no clothes, though a bit later we began to wear animal skins. Bears were in fashion, as you would say. We used mostly clubs... well, not exactly, they were more like branches one could find, and some specifically shaped stones as weapons. Some fancied hand fighting. Most of us then had nails longer than mine now. What, surprised?  
  
    You can call us animals, beasts, or even idiots, if you wish. Whatever we then were, we dwelt. And we intended to.  
  
    Then one night, as we were always nocturnal, one girl, as we say it now, rallied us all in the center of Ashenvale. There was a shine, a beautiful and warm golden light coming out of a small pond. I remember it very well, each of us wanted to touch the water and couldn't shake off the amazement. It was a miracle on Earth, a gift of the heavens...  
  
    We all decided to settle around the mysterious pond instead of wandering through the forest. Slowly our minds gained new ideas, our language began to change into melodic sounds. Our civilization began to grow...  
  
    And at one point of that growth, he finally found us. Cenarius, the one that looked like the centaurs we hated so much, wanted to talk with us in our own language. It wasn't anything special, just a little chatter that can take place anywhere. He knew a lot about us. He said he's been watching us since we first began to walk. He knew we called ourselves Kaldorei, which means exactly "children of the stars". Cenarius was very interested in us and agree to aid us on the hard path of life.  
  
    He and his children, the dryads and those we now call keepers of the grove, showed us all we now know. They made our first bows, taught us better ways of hunting, even taught us how to make steel. They told us so much I cannot now imagine how we move on without Cenarius...  
  
    Anyway, we were also very interested in Cenarius. When we asked him who he is, he told us that he came from far above. None of us understood it then, but our friend told us about his mother, Elune... Of how she makes the moon shine, how she observes us and dwells in the pond...  
  
    Yes, the pond. Cenarius explained that its powers aren't here thanks to Elune, that it's more like powers used by someone else. He meant the dragons. He told us how it gave us immortality and enlightenend our minds.  
  
    The girl that has first noticed the Well of Eternity, as we decided to name the pond, had managed to gain great powers. I and my twin brother Malfurion, whom I call Furion, were among her followers. Nobody actually noticed when she became more powerful that any of us, and eventually she annouced herself our queen.  
  
    Queen Azshara... Some didn't like the idea, but we, the Stormrage brothers, stayed by her side along with many others. She was very pleased with us, and to give us her grace and blessing, officially names us the Quel'dorei - now the Highbourne. We soon noticed that the cource of her power is the Well itself. By her order we began to study and examine it very closely, despite the carefulness with which Cenarius approchaed the Well.  
  
    And on one of the first days of that study, we met. When I and Furion were discussing the possibility of Elune living in the waters of the pond, another elf joined us. It may sound funny to you humans, but his face charmed me, I admit it, ever since my heart was broken... Oh, you don't know?  
  
    Right, I forgot. You're not elves. Long before we became Quel'dorei, my heart decided to give itself away antirely to Tyrande Whisperwind, high priestess of Elune, whom we now considered our goddess. But Fortune made my only brother Furion also feel love for her. Tyrande had to choose, and she did so. Furion won.  
  
    Since then I remained heartbroken. It's hard to admit, but sometimes I was very close to tear edge... and few times over it. My brother knew how much I suffered it, but apparently he did nothing to even cheer me up.  
  
    But now something in me broke, and it wasn't the heart this time. The face of that elf was calm and friendly, and his body so well built, so strong... SO WHAT?! Right, I am blushing, get off of me! Those goddamn humans... Cough, anyway, that elf joined our conversation and began to convince us that Elune really dwells in the Well. When I think of it now, he might have tried to delicately convice us of the Well and Azshara's might. Whatever he intended, he spoke with a calm and warm, though maybe a little sharp voice. It was like a sweet lullaby... I thought I told you to bitter off of my blushings. Good for you. Now, let me continue, will you?  
  
    The elf was named Dath'Remar Sunstrider. A very nice name, I must admit, Dath'Remar... I called him Remar for short. We kept on meeting each other more and more often, not only by the Well, but in general. I liked to talk to him about everything. When we met in the evening, he made my night happier. By the gods... you should get used to me being nocturnal, if it's not a problem. And learn some sarcasm as well.  
  
    Remar and I were becoming good friends. Hope rose in my heart, though then I was certain I can't wish for much. For it would never become true. I guess I don't have to tell you what my greatest wish was.  
  
    The tranquility of my life was soon to be ruined. Cenarius and Furion, and even Tyrande, noticed that Tyrande is my close friend. They didn't like it at all. I noticed that my brother has found out something strange, it bothered him all the time. He told me - in his opinion, the Well's powers weren't safe at all. He said that such magic, for it was nothing different than the dragons' magic, may cause great trouble. When I ask him what sort of, he began a long monologue about spoiling souls and hearts, blinding eyes and mind, shaking the balance of nature... and summoning demons. I laughed in his face, but now I know how right he was. He said that he doesn't want me to ruin myself, but if that is my wish, he won't oppose. Not long after, he left the Quel'dorei.  
  
    I couldn't forget what he told nor about the Well, nor Remar. It didn't reach me that he could be my enemy. Back then, I was the happiest elf in Kalimdor. I realized I don't need more, at least for now, and I didn't want to allow anything to ruin it. My mind refused to accept Furion's words. Yet they were bothering me all nights long.  
  
    The first thing I wanted was to talk to Remar, and I did so. Just as I expected, he listened carefully to my story and called it bullshit. He called Furion a heretic and how he was lying. It sort of struck me. I never thought about my brother like this, at first it was a bit painful... But Remar kept on convincing me. Furion started to gather elves from outside Quel'dorei and formed sort of a movement he called the druids. In Remar's opinion, he wanted to overthrow Azshara, but he couldn't make up why. Actually, as he said, it wasn't our bussiness. Our duty was to defend the queen.  
  
    And we agreed to do so.  
  
    I know I should've listened to Furion. BUt none of us knew that the magic had addicted us, the Quel'dorei. My brother left early enough to avoid this addiction. I knew I have to protect the Well and my mistress. I had no idea it's because the magic itself. But the more Remar and Azshara were talking about the druids, the more my anger at Furion rose.  
  
    Shan'do Stormrage...  
  
    Only I couldn't ever feel anger for Tyrande. She too wishe me to give up on using magic, but - unlike my brother - she begged me instead of cursing me. I couldn't, I just couldn't refuse her deep eyes. Tyrande kept on swearing on Elune that staying by Azshara's side will hasten my doom.  
  
    Only my mind was racing. Elune was my goddess, I admit I was - and still am - faithful to her, so such arguments did get to me. The problem was, Furion was right... now I know that my heart is spoiled. I will never be as before. Back then my heart started to force me. Every thought of losing magic was psyhically painful. I couldn't do it, I just couldn't. But Tyrande and Elune...  
  
I was breaking down. From one front came the addiction and need of the Well, from the other - my faith and care for Tyrande. One of those days, when I was down, Remar came to me. It was a beautiful night, the blue corn moon rose high... I remember it very well. It's just one of those times you don't forget.  
  
I was crying. Remar tried to cheer me up, tried to find words that could prove we're right. None came. Words were useless. I nearly cried my eyes out and semi-consiously buried my face in Remar's chest, and if you keep giggling, I'll cut your limbs off. Right. Remar wasn't at all surprised. He caresed my hair and let me calm down... I suspected that he knows what I feel. But this was a great shock.  
  
    After a few calming whispers, he hugged me tight... and kissed me.  
  
    Ait first, I was stunned, but in less than a second I recovered. It felt like heaven... Did you see what I did to a guy, who did what you now do? No? Well, go ask him. You can't? That's the point. Anyway, it was the first time anyone has ever told me he loves me. Remar confessed and I felt tears again... of joy, I guess. He told me how it hurts him when I am down, when I cry... Again I rested my head against his chest and it relaxed me. I felt like I could spend my whole life like this.  
  
    After that night, everything changed. I didn't pay mych attention to anyone besides Azshara and Remar, and spent a lot more time with the latter. At one point, we were always together.  
  
    Again, when I thought all's alright, Furion came in. He always knows everything... I sometimes get the feeling he's been watching me all the way. When he said he wants to talk to me, I knew it's about my relationship with Remar. I can't make out when did my brother made up such things, but he was dangerously close to the truth. Only he seemed not to allow it to get to him. He probably never thought this could be possible. His face was worried, I knew he cared about me, and what he thought of Remar made hom even more anxious. I couldn't resist that sad, yet firm stare. I told him everything.  
  
    He was shocked, but remained calm. I could see he was afraid of this - and it happened. He told me that I'm getting deeper every day, and soon I won't be able to get out. This is the last moment to decide, back or forward. But Furion assured me that it is only my choice and when it is decided, he will leave me on my own.  
  
    Thus I was left to decide. I was afraid of what may happen to me, yet I could not forsake Remar. I feared another heartbreak, and you shut up this instance.  
  
    Time was passing, but my life froze in a dead point. I was on lonely crossroads without any signs. Left or right... I needed a guide. Since my conversation with Furion, he and Tyrande stopped convincing me. Azshara was never much interested in what's happening to me. Remar was all I had left.  
  
    And he knew it very well. I had cried everything out, so he'd knew what I feel. He understood all, tried to calm me down by cuddles and kisses... Remain silent and you'll leave alive.This is a very important even of my life. This time what Remar did did not suffice. I didn't need cuddles, I needed a solution. I wasn't shiverring anymore, but silvery streams kept pouring down Remar's chest. I heard him say he's sorry, and then he began kissing my neck, and the hand that was massaging my back descended slowly...  
  
    Enough giggling, this is the end. You _really_ thought I could describe _this_ scene to you? Forget it. t's strictly _provate_ and I'll keep it for myself, if you don't mind. It was the first time I ever got that close to anyone. It's easy to imagine that I wished that moment never to end. I felt I could die happy in those arms...  
  
    Everything was going on very slowly, yet the whole time passed too quickly During it, I felt more confident than ever before. Yes, I told myself, what I do is right. And, since then, I never let go of that thought.  
  
    The only problem was the Well of Eternity. Something strange was happening to its powers. I felt a new force in it, something I never felt before.  
  
    The forces of the Well were shiverring...  
  
        **End of chapter I. **


	2. Two Betrayals

OK, let me put something straight. The "diary" thing. My fault I didn't explain it clearly enough... I named it a diary, because these are Illidan's memories, but at first (before I had the title) I meant it to be Illy's monologue to us, humans. So please forgive me for that.  
  


* * *

  
    Remar and I were starting to worry about Queen Azshara. She changed, changed much. We were being seperated from the druids more and more, every day. I had less chances of seeing my brother, about what I didn't care much, and Tyrande, what still hurt me. Still, at one point, before we even noticed - we were in two different worlds.  
  
    Azshara was spending more time by the Well, chanting and saying words none of us understood. The waters of the Well formed a whirl that never stopped. The strange power we felt was getting stronger, the bigger the whirl was. I could swear that when I went past it, I heard voices.  
  
    One day, when I somehow managed to sneak out of the palace, I met Furion and Cenarius. They put it straight - demons were trying to reach us through the Well, they said. They were certain that something or someone - probably one of the demons - is using Azshara to open a portal. No, I told myself. I knew they told the truth, yet I also trusted my queen... and mostly my lover. Furion knew that.  
  
    Our paths went different ways.  
  
    Furion said that it's all my choice, wether I stay or leave. I told him I stay. Cenarius seemed to be ready to curse me with something, but my brother silenced him. Amazing is that even a demi-god listened to the one, who calls himself Shan'do. They left me with my choice.  
  
    I was somewhat happy of my decision. I felt free, released from my brother's complainings. Remar assured me that I did right.  
  
    But my happiness did not last long. Something finally came through the portal that formed over the Well of Eternity. That something seemed humanoidal, yet it wasn't anything similar to human. White skin, horns, wings and hooves like mine... The stranger introduced himself as Tichondrius. Yes, a dreadlord, one of the first demons that came. After him joined more, at least one regiment. Two or three hundrets...  
  
    Instantly they spread in Azshara's whole palace. The one named Tichondrius shouted something when they still heard him. The demonic troops raged, damaged everything and everyone they saw. Before I and Remar reached the throne room, there were at least twenty elven bodies lying at our feet. I was shocket, yet we rushed further, afraid about our queen.  
  
    Much to our relief, Azshara was safe. And laughing. She told us that finally we shall get rid of the druid betrayers, once and for all. The demons answered her summons. She didn't answer Remar's question about what are they doing to us. We had to leave her in her insane laughter.  
  
    The demons were not our allies.  
  
    I took Remar to what remained of my chamber. I needed to talk to him, to decide what to do. We both knew that it can't go this way. Whatever has forced Queen Azshara to do this, must be stopped, I told him. No. Remar said that he's staying by her side, no matter what. And that I can go, if that's my wish. I tried to convince him, to take him with me... he disagreed. He seemed to be mad at me for not accepting his decision.  
  
    I ran out of the chamber in floods of tears, and it's nothing funny, if you wish to know. So stop laughing. You there, want me to get that smirk _off_ of your face? Very well. Changed your mind? Strange.  
  
    Anyway, when I was sitting all alone with my own problems and losses, Furion came. He saw me crying, and I didn't even care what he was about to say. It wasn't what I expected. He told me how sorry he is, that he never wanted this to happen to me, but only I can choose my path... He knew that this would come, if we kept on using the Well. And now the demons were raging free and there was only one way to fight them.  
  
    We must unite, said Cenarius, who joined us with Tyrande. We must fight them together. I was totally down, I had no will for anything. I agreed to aid them only when the priestess asked me. I had a sentiment for her. It's hard to admit, but I sometimes wondered if she was going to take Remar's place again...  
  
    Anyway, I promised to help. I was just one more person by their side, but at that point every warrior was priceless. The war was very hard, we did what we could, but more of our troops fell then the demons. We were forced to hide, assassinate. Our assassins are now in the Watchers - the guards under Maiev's command. Some of them were chasing me. But back then, we all were equal warriors. Our spies reported that Azshara's under command of a demon named Archimonde - and she didn't even mind it.  
  
    The situation was getting critical hour by hour. We divided into small groups and spread over Ashenvale to avoid being killed. Still the demons had spotted some of our hideouts and murdered everyone there, a warrior or not.  
  
    Furion and Cenarius were getting more and more desperate. I did not know about their plan, for we were in different groups. I was certain that they will try everything. Before they managed to do anything with a visible effect, there came another idea.  
  
    In my group there was a young elf. He's name was Fenmer Silverwing. A nice boy he was... It was him, who told me about the desperate and risky plan. Some of those I was leading found out that it's possible to embrace and fully control the same powers the demonic Burning Legion uses. We'd fight our enemies with their own weapon... just no one has tried. No one had the finest idea what consequences this may bring. And furthermore, this required a ritual blinding...  
  
    Yes, you're right. I sent a messenger to Furion, knowing he'd never like me gaining demonic powers. But we needed a new weapon, something to prevent further bloodshed.  
  
    And this seemed a good way.  
  
    I had no time to wait for my brother's answer. My companions had the ritual ready in just a few minutes, but the process itself took at least few hours. I'm not sure, I totally lost myself back then. I was a one big trembling nerve.  
  
    At first I was tattoed with a special paint. As you see, it's still on me after ten thousand years. To be hnest, I don't know exactly what do these ornaments mean. Back then, they explained it as a sort of barricade, which allows to control the power's level and lower the rick as much as possible. Nowadays the mages of the Kirin Tor named it a "matrix", a filter that forms the forces the way we want.  
  
    After that, the worst part came. In secrecy my companions have stolen some water from Elune's shrine and a few artifacts that belonged to demons. They were filled with an amazing power of their former owners, but gaining them was very hard. They told me that my good friend Vemanor died for it. If only I knew...  
  
    But nevermind. I knelt before Fenmer. The youth took the waters, the very same priestesses used in naming children and blessing lovers. Quit laughing, those rituals have nothing to do with _this_ one! Those waters were blessed by Elune herself, _that's_ what mattered! Fenmar used them to water my eyes and forehead. With his finger, he drew a rune on my forehead, which meant "demon".  
  
    Then he took one of the demonic artifacts. It was a knife, variously carved, with a dark violet handle. Fenmar told me to focus on it and whispered a spell. The blade burst with bright light. I could hardly look at it, and as I noticed - only I. For a few seconds the light filled my whole vision, then began to fade.  
  
    Endless darkness fell.  
  
    It didn't hurt my eyes, to be honest. At first, when I stood up, I regreted my decision and wished to turn time back. But what's done, is done. Fenmar explained that thanks to this I will be able to see any demon.  
  
    Only demon.  
  
    Thus I became the first demon hunter. The rest of my group joined me and within a day, we were all blind. We still had time before my brother arrived, to we spent it on practicing with our newly gained powers, fencing techniques... and a new way of life.  
  
    Before my brother, Tyrande and Cenarius arrived, we changed much. The darkness still felt uneasy, but now we were able to go on by ourselves. Though all blind, we needed no help. When Furion saw us, he fell to his kness and begged Elune to forgive us. Cenarius' attitude was the worst...  
  
    We tried to explain everything and assure them that they need us. No one denied that, but Furion could not accept the fact that I gave up my eyes... and what remained of my soul.  
  
    There was no time to grieve after our deed. Like I said, what's done is done. Everyone knew that the end od this war was drawing near...  
  
    Cenarius already felt more demons incoming and prepared for them. When the Well portal is used, it is also weakened. If we gather enough forces and strike in a suitable moment, we should be able to shatter the Burning Legion and maybe even destroy the Well once and for all.  
  
    I had no idea they didn't tell me everything.  
  
    The end of the Well of Eternity would mean no more magic. No magic would mean no demons, but also hunger. A great, painful hunger I could not resist. Doubts and visions kept hunting me, until I made up my mind.  
  
    I went back to the palace. Azshara barely recognised me. Well, she never noticed me as more than a warrior, so not much changed. I was only surprised tha Remar was not there. I explained to my queen what the druids plan, about the attack and when will it take place. I didn't tell exactly how will they strike or what forces will they use. I only wished to balance the scales, for my heart was tearing between hunger and bounds of blood...  
  
    I tried to stay a bit behind everyone, in shadows. When the fateful moment came, Azshara was ready. I wasn't surprised when, in the back, Furion told me he was expecting this. But he said no more and fought further.  
  
    Victory was slowly moving towards the Quel'dorei. Then I realized what my brother has hidden from me, so I wouldn't tell Azshara.  
  
    They called dragons.  
  
    All the four Aspects came: Alextrasza the Life-Binder, Ysera the Dreamer, Malygos the Hand of Magic and Nozdormu the Lord of Time. The Highbourne were no less taken aback then I was. The battle was bloody and violent. I never, ever participated in anything worse. It was a day nightmare... blood, tears, death. I wished it to end as fast as possible.  
  
    It felt longer than it really lasted. Things were getting worse and worse for us, when another demon arrived. Between shouts and strikes, he appeared. The newcomer's force struck us all. I saw him, the sinister smile, could and drilling eyes.  
  
    Sargeras.  
  
dd>The new troops he brought joined the battle. Thanks to them and the dragons, the scales were balanced. I had no time to worry about who will win. I didn't sympathise with any of sides. I had a plan...  
  
    In the bloodlust and rage, no one noticed me approach the Well of Eternity. In secrecy before all, I had prepared myself two special vials. I made them hold powers and features of whatever they would contain. I filled both with waters from the Well, so - whatever would happen - we'd have a new source of magic. I hid them well...  
  
    When I returned to the battlefield, things were getting critical for the Quel'dorei. I heard Queen Azshara yell in agony, as my brother mortally struck her straight in the heart. Her warriors were close to panic, but Sargeras had taken Azshara's place. He had led what remained of her troops.  
  
    Heads and limbs kept falling down, gods and warriors kept raging. Cenarius did well to summon dragons, for their magic was better than the Highbourne's. Finally, after a very long time, Alextrasza the Life-Binder approached the Well and struck it with a very powerful spell. No one noticed her, until the bright light of an explosion lit the morning sky.  
  
    The Well was no more.  
  
    Furion, Tyrande and Cenarius would dance of joy, but something strange happened to the land. The ground was shaking and began to quickly descend into the ocean. Everyone alive rushed southwards to solid ground. Some didn't make it and died either crushed by the land or sunken. The dragons had helped the wounded, Quel'dorei or not. While retreating, I turned back to see anything about the demons.  
  
    Sargeras, Archimonde, Tichondrius and Mannoroth had fled.  
  
    A huge part of our beloved Kalimdor was sunken by the Well's explosion, cutting off our connection with the land we now call Lordaeron and creating a huge maelstrom between our two lands. The whirl was formed exactly were the Well once was.  
  
    The war was over. Azshara died, the Well was no more. Peace would come, but the driuds didn't want to accept a truce with the Highbourne, and mostly didn't want us - the demon hunters. They said we betrayed Elune and our laws by embracing demonic powers. Cenarius managed to convince them to the truce, but my blind brethren weren't welcome. We had to remain in shadows to be able to call ourselves night elves.  
  
    Two days later, I sneaked out of the grove and went north. I had no particular path, I just needed anything that contained water... I reached a mountain. Once named Mt. Hyjal, it was the highest point in whole Ashenvale forest. There was a lake up there, surrounded by trees. I remember, when I once went there with Furion. So beautiful...  
  
    Now everything was veiled in darkness, still there was no time to grieve or mourn. I bent over the calm lake and unplugged one of my vials. Its containings had the strong smell of magic. Grinning, I poured them into the lake and within a quarter, Mt. Hyjal was the place of my new Well of Eternity. I sat by it, enjoying the marvellous scents of forest and magic and feeding my hunger. I was wondering wether I should tell the rest of Quel'dorei about it, but I didn't want to move away. I stayed there most of the night, wide awake and happy, yet alert.  
  
    Finally, at one moment, I heard silent footsteps. Fortuneatly, it was my Remar, whom I was so worried about. He wasn't even injured, more of it, he barely participated in the battle. As he saw me and what I did to myself, he cried. Now you _shut up_, or this will be the last laugh of your life. Remar asked me why, how could I do it... I explained everything, but my voice was also slowly breaking down. Soon, I could not speak a word.  
  
    We spent the rest of the night together. Both of us knew this may be the last time, the last moment all alone. If anyone found out of what I did, they'd surely punish me. I didn't want to think of how. When dawn broke, I gave Remar the vial I still had and told him to keep it deeply hidden. It may come in handy...  
  
    When my lover hid it in his robes, few driuds and other led by Furion noticed us. They felt the new power appear here and came to check it. Before they reached us, Remar fled and silently descended from the hill. I was left alone on the lake's coast, ready for whatever would come. My brother was desperate and sad. He said he doesn't want it, but my betrayal can't be left unseen. After everything he, Tyrande and Cenarius did for me, I still warned Azshara and once again threated the world of Azeroth by creating a new Well. A beast, a monster he called me through single tears. I remained still, but his words hurt me. I know, I earned it. If only I could turn time back...   
  
    Furion ordered one of the girls he brought with him to watch over me. I was to be imprisoned for the rest of my life... that is an eternity. The girl, Maiev Shadowsong, was to keep me in my cell forever. I didn't oppose when, the day after, she and few archdriuds were leading me down to the tunnels inside Mt. Hyjal. The entrance was sealed behind us and I was locked up, guarded by driuds and Maiev's new Watchers.  
  
    When I was being taken to the prison, I heard Remar behind me. He was calling - yelling my name and struggling, he wanted to reach me and get me out. He cried. I felt like I would weep along, yet my eyes were unable to do so. What hurt me most is knowing that I was being forever parted with my love... and that my brother did this to me.  
  
    A second before the entrance was sealed, I heard Furion's last words. "From now on, Mt. Hyjal is the prison of the beast, Illidan the Betrayer...  
  
    Betrayer...   
  
        **End of chapter II. **


	3. Each Step I Take

The lyrics used in this chapter come from "The Soulforged" by Blind Guardian.  
  
Before you ask - yes, Illidan _would_ be able to say these things about Furion. In _my version_, that is.

* * *

Thus began the worst episode in my life, the true nightmare in endless night. I was being guarded by the archdruid Califax, one of Cenarius' sons. Locked below the ground, I lost my touch when was night, and when was day. At first they kept me chained to the wall by one hand and one leg. After some time, they understood I plan no escape and let me walk free in my cell. Actually, that didn't make much difference, for the cell never was big and I had nothing to do. Walking round in circles wasn't my type of entertainment. I preferred to sit in a corner and think.  
  
Betrayer... I was betrayed. My brother was blind on the hunger that forced me to do all that. No one could understand me but my addicted brethren.  
  
My anger for Furion slowly grew. I was ready to forgive him few days ago, but not anymore. Not after what he has done.  
  
I was in touch with the upper world only thanks to the Watchers that brought me food. They were kind enough to tell me of what was going on. I felt like they wanted me to regret and see how they move on despite my deeds.  
  
Firstly, I heard about what happened to the Well of Eternity I created. The druids asked the dragons for help, afraid of the Legion's return. Yes, that's when the greatest revolution in Kaldorei life took place. Alextrasza planted a huge tree on Mt. Hyjal - huge enough to cover the whole lake. Some of its roots reached me down there. My brother named it the Norddrassil - World Tree. It was to keep the Well's powers under control and protect it from being once again used. Yet no one can foresee the future, so the druids sacrificed themselves to guard the others. Nozdormu made them immortal and ageless without the powers of my Well. They had no idea that I had enough powers of my own to keep myself alive. Anyway, next was Ysera's gift. She put all the druids to sleep. They dreamt in the Emerald Dream, her domain and were well aware of what was going on. As far as I know, they once awoke when the need came.  
  
But nevermind. Except the druids, all the female elves were left, along with my hunter brethren and the remainings of Quel'dorei. The demon hunters and Highbourne were then shunned and dreaded because of the threat they may cause. The women named themselves the Sentinels army and swore to guard the forests of Ashenvale from the possible danger. Including my addicted brethren.  
  
As I said, those of the upper world weren't aware of me living on. Actually, they have completely forgotten about me. But I was alive, dwelling in anger and thirst for revenge. My heart fell apart, when I lost all hope for Remar coming for me.  
  
After about five thousand years Maiev herself came with some news. The Quel'dorei are gone, she said. Fear struck me. How can this be...? Maiev has explained exactly what, when and how...  
  
It was all cause of Remar. Yes, you're right, my beloved Remar. After those milleniums he could not resist the growing hunger. He gathered the Quel'dorei and caused a giant magical storm over the whole Ashenvale. Everyone panicked, fear paralyzing them or making them lose their minds. Furion calmed them down only by miracle, and alltogether the awakened druids managed to break the spell. The storm calmed down, and then my brother remembered that - desperate of getting rid of any magic - he announced that anyone, who shall use magic even once, shall be killed. But the Quel'dorei brethren was huge. Furion could not allow himself to take away so many lives. When Maiev told me this, my heart calmed down. Yet my twin had another way of dealing with the Highbourne...  
  
He exiled them across the sea, to the far East. We night elves knew that out there was a land. Back before the Well's explosion the distance between Kalimdor and Lordaeron was small, so we were sometimes crossing to the other land. Now, the Quel'dorei were forced to sail next to the dangerous Maelstrom and settle on that land.  
  
As far as I know, they made their own contry out there, on the eastern coasts of Lordaeron. Quel'Thalas... The Highbourne, now the High Elves, needed magic... and had it. The vial I once gave to Remar was used to create their own Sunwell that feeded their hunger. Unfortuneatly, it wasn't enough to grant them immortality. Remar had to die...  
  
I still mourn the loss of my lover... Now shut up. All those years in Maiev's prison made me forget most of what I wanted to keep forever... but not him. No, not Remar. I slowly started to forget his face, but the memory itself remained.  
  
And finally, after ten thousand years of imprisonment, I was freed. Tyrande herself, despite Furion's protest, came for me and released me. She didn't even hesitate to kill dozens of Watchers and the archdruid Califax... at first I couldn't recognise my priestess' behaviour, but no doubt it was her.  
  
At that moment my heart, in the deepest pain I ever felt, decided to throw away the most sorrowful episode in my life. I no longer confessed that I loved Remar.  
  
I had to put my feelings back. Another war came. I promised Tyrande that I will hunt down ay demon that appears. Yes, that's true. Once again the Burning Legion has returned - thanks to the Scourge, the undead armies of fallen kingdoms of Lordaeron and Quel'Thalas. The High Elves were doomed... Nevermind it. The undead - more accurately, the Lich Kel'Thuzad - summoned Archimonde back to the world of Azeroth.  
But before I could get my hands on that son of a bitch, I faced his leutainant, the dreadlord Tichondrius. The undead prince, Arthas the human betrayer, came to me. He wished me to destroy the Skull of Gul'dan, an artifact of the powerful orcish warlock that caused the corruption of Ashenvale. With it destroyed, I'd save the forest and decrease the power of Tichondrius. Plus Arthas' master, the Lich King Ner'zhul, would also benefit on it.  
  
I reached the Skull without many prolems. But when I wanted to strike and get rid of it, my thirst for power overcame my reason. I told myself that no one will be a match for me, if I claim the Skull's powers as my own. So I did it... and I turned into a half-demon, as you see me now.  
  
Then Tichondrius was just another minion that needs to get his throat cut. After his death, Furion and Tyrande found me. How could I, they asked. The answer that I did it for the forest was not enough. Shan'do shouted that I'm not his brother, that Illidan would never give away his soul... My heart cried. Furion banished me from Ashenvale. So I headed towards Lordaeron, were my first lover was once exiled...  
  
Hunger for revenge grew in me. I needed to get rid of the demons, to punish my brother. Betrayer... in truth, _I_ was betrayed. I tried to plan something that would let me win... and then he came.  
  
Kil'jaeden of the Burning Legion knew me very well. He gave me a task of destroying the Frozen Throne on Icecrown, and with it - kill Ner'zhul. Even now, I can't make up why did he order that to me instead of doing it himself. But nevermind. It was a hard task, and I needed help with it.  
  
Yes, I had a good idea. Me fellow Quel'dorei were divided in two - some of them being turned into Naga, half-snake, half-night elf creatures. I summoned them, knowing that may also call Azshara, who survived thanks only to her Naga healers. Luckily, she did not come and I was free to order the Naga. Their representative, Lady Vashj, is still a faithful friend of mine. I just worry that one day they may return to their Empress, once my queen, Azshara...  
  
Anyway, I was well aware that Maiev was on my tail all the time. She swore to return me to my prison. I and my servants tried to ignore her chase and headed ourselved towards some special islands. They were once sunken, but Gul'dan, the same warclock whose Skull I once stole, brought them back to the surface. Those islands contained a large, ancient tomb. Ages ago, the Guardian Magna Aegwynn has sealed the demonlord Sargeras beneath the ocean, right in this tomb. And now a chance for me laid there...  
  
Sargeras' soul perished along with Medivh's death, but an artifact remained. His Eye, sealed in the tomb, was defineatly perfect for my task. Ner'zhul was a creation of Kil'jaeden, so no doubt that the demonlord's powers may kill him. I and my Naga entered the tomb with Maiev right behind us. Fortuneatly, I reached the Eye of Sargeras before that bitch reached us. Her Watchers were the only elves I could kill without any regrets. And I did so. I used the Eye to collapse the tomb over Maiev's troops, and only Maiev herself escaped.  
  
We settled at the Dalaran ruins, south of Lordaeron. It once was the Purple City, center of magic - a perfect place to cast a spell we needed. The Naga I ordered to stop Maiev fell, for she called for my brother's aid. I had to guard my summoners on my own. Breaking the incantation could have tragical effects...  
Maiev and Furion came for me. I knew that it's all my fault, but it can't be undone and I must go on. I can't give up...  
  
The battle in Dalaran ruins was when I first heard the name Kael. I had no idea who he is or where from, I only heard the name and his voice. They both sounded so familiar, so... warm...  
  
Khem, _please_ be quiet. I failed to defend my summoners and the Eye of Sargeras exploded. I could no longer fight, so it was all up to my brother. He said his monologue about countless lives I killed yap-yap-yap, and that prison is not enough. Maiev was about to kill me, when Elune's grace caused a miracle. Furion said that thanks to my goddamn spell Tyrande is dead. I was shocked, but Kael straightened all up and explained, that the priestess was only swept downriver. Maiev lied, and that made my brother furious. In the goodness of his heart, he let my Naga search the river.  
  
We found her surrouned by undead. Kael couldn't help us, for his superior awaited, but I and Furion managed to rescue the priestess. I brought her to my brother, and finally there was peace between the two of us. Only I had to flee, for I was well aware that by aiding them I disobeyed Kil'jaeden's command. I could not destroy the Throne, not now, so I desperately sought refuge back in Outland, in what remained of once beutiful Draenor.  
  
But then Maiev found me. She used my protal and imprisoned me before Vashj and her forces joined me. If I was brough to the Watcher's camp, I'd be doomed, but fortuneatly they made it. Naga and the Blood Elves, formerly the High Elves... or the Highbourne... defeated her. I've no idea what happened to Maiev, but I haven't seen her since then.  
  
Anyway, Vashj explained that the remainings of Quel'Thalas - at least most of them - named themselves the Blood Elves. Now, fed up with the Alliance of Lordaeron, they seek my aid. They are - as always were - addicted to magic, just as were their night elven ancestors that came to Lordaeron milleniums ago. They gave themselves to me in exchange for magic.  
  
Alltogether we defeated the pit lord Magtheridon and his hordes of demons and demonic orcs. The Outland is since then all mine. Though empty, barren and wasted, it's now my new home, away from painful memories connected with Ashenvale and Remar...  
  
I'd shed a tear, if I was able to... your giggles don't bother me anymore, you know that? So you can as well stop it. I was sitting in the Black Citadel of Outland, preparing a plan for the future. Kil'jaeden has found me, but gave me a second chance. I must destroy Icecrown, but had no idea how. We decided to destroy the Throne itself before Arthas reaches it. Ner'zhul the Lich King was weakened, and it was our chance...  
But before we left, I had a talk with the leader of the Blood Elves. He was the same Kael I met back there in Dalaran. He told me his whole story - of Arthas destroying his homeland and killing his family on his very eyes, of Grand Marshall Garithos giving a damn on his loss and pushing him around... He confessed how much hope and strenght I gave his people. My heart and soul lit up, when he said that. Then I found out. His full name is prince Kael'thas Sunstrider. I felt like if a lightning struck me. Sunstrider... so he's Remar's descendant. My heart beat fast... that's where I know the voice from... Remar's was nearly the same.  
Since then I watched, if I can still call it that way, him very closely. Setting a camp at Icecrown's base took us a few days, and before I knew it, I... Yes, I fell in love with him... It happened very fast, I barely knew him then. I guess I... well, I expected him to be another Remar... But no, Kael was different. Way different than my long lost love. He's very young as for an elf. He acted a bit childlish, I'd call it, but was also very nice and faithful to me. I yearned for love, any love... even from a child.  
  
The camps by Icecrown were set, and as dawn came, the battle was to begin. The battle for the Frozen Throne. A violent battle for life and death. I was well aware that I may be the one to die out there, on the snow and ice... but I wanted to try. The night before I took Kael for a private talk. I had, I just had to tell him...  
I confessed of everything, of how I was related to his ancestor and how much I love him. He was hardly surprised, just listened closely and nodded from time to time. Apparently he could not find words that would make a suitable answer. We simply stood there, outside our camp, on the snow, hit by the coldest of all breezes. The silence felt so uncomfortable I had to do something. I gently embraced Kael, afraid he might throw me away... he didn't. I hugged him tight, feeling like weeping with no tears... The youth told me how he feels, that I'm like a father for him... The flame of my hope died with those words, but a new light appeared, when Kael added that he wishes to return my feeling. Giggle as much as you wish, I don't care anymore. Lost your humour? Perfect.  
  
Kael's confession filled me with new warmth and strenght. I promised that when the war ends, I'll do anything to make him love me. It felt like the happiest night of my life, the one spent with my new beloved... I haven't seen him even once, only heard his voice, felt his body against mine... It's one of the few happy memories of my life, thought black, with no images. When holding Kael so close, I fell like I could defeat anyone, Arthas, Kil'jaeden, Sargeras...  
  
But I made a mistake, a big mistake. I and Arthas once duelled and our chances were equal, the scales perfectly balanced. Ice against fire, frost against flame... The undead managed to open the throne room first and their king rushed to the top. I reached him at the gates. Our second duel took place, both of us much powerful than before. But I was wrong to attack by Icecrown... Arthas' forces, weakened not long before, were now being restored. He even gained new powers, being so close to his master, Ner'zhul. I fell, my arm nearly cut off. See this scar? Arthas gave it to me. I was dangerously close to death, it nearing and nearing...  
Arthas reached the Throne, his goal. he thought me already dead and didn't even bother to check it, concentrating on his master. I felt the extreme energy released, when those two became one. Arthas, with his destructive blade Frostmourne, sat on the Frozen Throne.  
  
But I cared not. The cut on my chest bleeded so badly I knew my end was drawing near. Memories came, first one by one, then all at once. Even those I forgot... I saw Remar's face with my blind eyes, I saw Tyrande, Furion, the dead Cenarius... I saw Kael. Yes, and image of the elf also came. I have no idea how, and I will never find out if it was correct. But he was so beautiful, so desirable... I cried inwardly, not being able to shed tears anymore. I felt like I could only pray to my Elune, so she would forgive me all my sins and guilts...  
And after, I whispered my beloved's name...  
  
I don't wonder how it happened, but it seems like it worked as some kind of summon... Kael came. He was all alone, not caring about anything. He only wished to find me... And he did, just in time. My wound was far too big for the potions he brought, but they managed to heal me enough to survive. Kael somehow managed to take me back to our camp, supporting me on his shoulders, my blood dripping down on his armour. I heard him sob silently, but I could do nothing. I was too weak to even say any calming words...  
  
Now, I am back here, in Draenor. It took me some time to recover from those injuries, but Kael was always with me. He slowly heals also my wounded heart, and the pain after Remar is fading. I only fear I may lose him, as I lost Remar, my eyes, my soul... I should be happy, for I have a new lover, new home, chance for redemption. Even Furion and Tyrande have forgiven me, the rest of my demon hunters is also once again accepter among our Sentinel brethren. Peace comes back to Kalimdor.  
  
Yet no one knows what's happening to Arthas, and the Burning Legion is still out there somewhere. Kil'jaeden will surely seek to kill me... and the undead king as well. I don't know where the hope of our world lies, but mine has been found.  
  
You know, I just remembered a poem... I have no idea where or who from I have heard it, but I had. It's so honest, true... deep. At least I find it that way. If I remembered it earlier, maybe it would push me on, give me at least some courage... Listen to this part: 

_Each step I take,  
may it hurt, may it ache,  
leads me further away from the past.  
But as long as I breathe,  
with each smile on my bleak face,  
I'm on my way to find,  
back to the peace of mind.  
_

  
Well, how does it sound in your human ears? I have left my past where it should be, far behind, and found new courage and hope in my beloved Kael. Only Medivh himself may know what the future holds, but I shall stand proud and strong. Somewhere out there are new ways of life, new miracles, new powers and light...  
And this is it, the story of Illidan Stormrage. The story of two betrayals, lost loves, hopes, darkness and spoiled souls. The story of a corrupted demon-elf that is once again alive.  
  
My story.   
  
**The end is far away... **


End file.
